When I served as a secretary to my boss, he taught me a principle: things that are unsustainable should not be done.

Going against core values, breaking bottom lines, or engaging in activities that exhaust human resources, material resources, or damage reputation and relationships can only be done a few times. Long-term engagement is unrealistic and unfeasible.
For example, when a boss’s friend visits Beijing and asks for a full itinerary, requiring coordination with the Parks and Greenery Bureau to get approval. As a newcomer, I lacked the experience and connections to accomplish this; forcing it would require a lot of effort and even risk involving the leadership’s reputation. Doing it once or twice is manageable, but if the boss sees you can handle it and keeps assigning such tasks, you’re heading for trouble.
When a person has inappropriate thoughts, they may take extraordinary actions—behaviors that don’t match their usual words and deeds. This is called behavioral distortion.
If someone wants a promotion, they might flatter the boss excessively, but a wise leader can see that this behavior is only limited to when they seek advancement. Once the promotion is achieved or if they don’t get what they want, their behavior immediately returns to normal.
Similarly, when men first start dating, they crave recognition or might deceive you into bed; their distorted behavior can make you feel warm and happy. But this is unsustainable—after two or three years of dating or after marriage, normal behavioral patterns will emerge. The same applies to women.
It’s not that distorted behavior is inherently wrong; it’s part of human nature. Promises made during passionate love are genuine, but boredom after marriage is also real. Expecting the other person to maintain the same level of goodness for a lifetime is unrealistic and goes against human nature.
How to judge if a man is worth marrying? Don’t focus on his distorted actions; instead, observe whether his normal behavior is something you can accept. This requires wisdom, but most women are easily moved and lose judgment, or they rely on small tricks about housing and cars, lacking true wisdom.
Ways to see through a person:
First, time. “A long journey reveals a horse’s strength,” and only after a long period can you truly see someone’s character. Two or three months or even a year may not be enough; try to spend more time together and develop the wisdom to see beyond appearances to the essence.
Second, deeply participate in the other person’s life, especially in different scenarios. During dating, it’s comfortable to watch movies and dine without interference, but after marriage, children can completely change life. Observe whether they face troubles with avoidance or courage, whether they do chores actively or lazily.
Third, observe how they treat familiar people. Parents, siblings, relatives, and friends are the most familiar to them, and their behavior patterns are normal. Someone who lacks gratitude toward their parents is illogical to expect them to treat you well for a lifetime.
The same applies to men’s views on women. The most successful thing in life isn’t wealth or official titles, but having a happy and harmonious family. When young, men think money equals everything; women believe in independence and self-strengthening. But as they grow older, they realize that besides health and love, other things are just okay if they’re decent.
However, finding the right person is crucial; even more important is oneself: Are you willing to make compromises, sacrifices, and contributions for your family and partner? If not, no matter how good your partner is, you cannot have a happy and harmonious family.