You have many sources of pain, all because you pursue a sense of rationality. You always want to make sense, always want to establish a single logic amidst chaotic relationships and environments, seek definitive answers, confirm who is right or wrong, whether causality holds, and if the outcome is fair. But reality doesn't have that much rationality; most human behaviors stem from desire, instinctual wounds, or unconscious psychological motives. If you cannot accept the gray areas in people and relationships, you will inevitably feel deep disappointment. Many internally conflicted personalities are not truly unable to let go of someone or a relationship, nor are they entangled with bad people or bad situations; rather, they seek security through the process of making sense. Only when things are rational, explainable, and logical can they feel safe. True growth happens when you finally realize that not everything must be rational, and not everything needs a definitive answer. Genuine self-coherence means, when necessary, abandoning expectations of all rationality, acknowledging that people are chaotic, relationships are nonlinear, and outcomes are uncontrollable. When you shift from trying to control the external world to asking what you can do for yourself and taking responsibility for yourself, you'll find that your internal conflict suddenly halves.