Lately, I feel like I've been drained somehow.

I haven't seriously spoken my heart out on x for a long time, as if once I open my mouth, emotions will leak out, which doesn't seem very decent.

First, my health took a turn for the worse. When you're unwell, the world becomes narrow and dark. Many emotions that I could easily endure before suddenly feel heavy and burdensome.

Then, I had a falling out with a former "good friend."

I used to believe in someone wholeheartedly.
When they made a mistake, I would stand by them, shoulder the burden together, without asking about winning or losing, without caring about gains or losses.
But gradually, I realized they said the same things to everyone, showed the same attitude to everyone, while I was just a "useful" person, a tool that could help.
The moment I realized this, it felt like a crack suddenly appeared in my heart.
Although they were just "good friends," not family, not lovers, it still hurt so much that I couldn't speak.
Perhaps because the trust I entrusted was coldly returned;
What I once thought was friendship, I now see was just利益 (benefits) that kept us connected all along.
Maybe the other person had already understood this, but I was the only one feeling sad here.

There’s one more thing that deeply moved me.
Once, in a circle where NFT tickets cost up to 20w, I met some "shining" people.
Back then, we held chips that others could never touch in a lifetime, and recently, one of them asked me if I had any work to recommend.
When I saw that message, my heart suddenly quieted for a few seconds.
Not out of schadenfreude, but a kind of indescribable sigh:
It turns out that those seemingly everlasting lights can also quietly go out at some moment.

Pulling emotions back to reality, the topic also returned to this not-so-friendly market.
The prolonged bear market makes me doubt the flow of time; projects disappear one after another, companies lay off employees in rounds.
Finding a truly suitable job has become much harder than before.

More realistically, AI development has reached a point where people dare not relax.
Many online jobs that once belonged to "people" can now be done by models.
This sounds cool, but for ordinary people, it’s a bit chilling.

Because of this, during this "not-so-good" phase, I actually need to slow down and learn some things I didn't have time to face seriously before.

I started studying AI seriously, learning some basic programming.
Not expecting to become an expert overnight, but just wanting to see if I can make them my "tools,"
to monitor the market, organize information, do some calm analysis,
help me refine my trading system to be more solid, less dependent on emotions and luck.

Recently, I haven't seen any projects in the circle that really caught my eye.
The market moves back and forth, bouncing within a moderate range.
I quietly set up some range strategies, slowly generate a little cash flow, and combine it with relatively safe "free" high-yield mining on exchanges.
No excitement, no fantasies of getting rich overnight, just leaving myself a stable breathing space in the bear market.

This is probably my recent state:
trust in people has become a little less blind, while I demand more calmness from myself.
The outside light has temporarily dimmed, so I’ll first tidy up the house;
when the market doesn’t give answers, I’ll let time stay in learning, refining my system, and slowly becoming someone less easily swept away by waves.

Sometimes I think, maybe these seemingly gloomy days will be an important part of my journey when I look back in the future.
At that time, I might thank myself for sticking through it now, for reorganizing the boundaries of my world.